The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
