I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
