So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
