So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
