I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
God I need to hump something, right now.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
