This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
