Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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