Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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