This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
