We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
