He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
