I'm jealous of your bromance
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
