i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
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Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
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Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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