i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
