I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
