shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
