Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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