I haven't been this sober since birth.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
