im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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