So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
