You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
