My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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