dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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