i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
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He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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