yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
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how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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