Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
