what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
