My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
He passed out mid-signature
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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