no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
