Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
