I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
