I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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