what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
