Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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