well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
