theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
found the other keg... it's in the tree
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
