I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Randomize
