I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
