It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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