Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
