anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
