I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
