I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
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