I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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