She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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