I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
