No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
