If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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