Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
