I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
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and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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