Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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