New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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