I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
did you just send me my own nude
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
