How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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