WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
