Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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