I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
