I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
