she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
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Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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