there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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