Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
