Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
