i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
