You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
